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​What if My Child is Bullying?

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Post #4 (5-Part Series)


At COMPASSION IT, we encourage schools and parents to introduce compassion to prevent and curb bullying. Our reversible wristbands are an easy and tangible tool that make compassion accessible for all ages.

As I’ve researched how to help a child who bullies, I’ve seen a common theme: compassion. Not only should parents and educators practice compassion for a child who is bullying, but they should teach empathy and compassion to the child.

I’ve also learned that it is best to NOT refer to a child as a “bully.” We should see the child as a human who bullies others. Adding a label to a person will certainly not help.

Once you are aware that your child is bullying others, here are some steps you can take:

1 – Have a non-confrontational conversation

First see if they child understands that his behavior is harming others. Some children don’t realize the ramifications of their actions. They may think what they’re doing is “no big deal”.

Although punishment might be a knee-jerk reaction to bullying, it’s best to get to the root of the unskillful behavior through a conversation. See if you can find out why the child is mistreating others. Is the child being bullied himself? How is he feeling? Is peer pressure causing him to bully?

2 – Set expectations & create consequences

Now that you better understand why your child is bullying, be sure he knows that you will not tolerate the behavior anymore. Explain that any more bullying will result in discipline (revoking privileges or activities, for example).

3 – Teach compassion and empathy

Many children who bully have a difficult time understanding the feelings of others. As you child to imagine putting himself in another’s shoes to understand how it might feel to be bullied.

*Use COMPASSION IT wristbands as an easy way to make compassion a daily activity. You can purchase wristbands for the entire family and report each evening during dinner how many times you each flipped the wristband and why.

4 – Work on an action plan & role play

Pacers Teens Against Bullying provides an action plan http://www.pacer.org/bullying/pdf/StudentActionPlan.pdf that can help students reflect on an experience of bullying and write out steps for handling the situation better.

You can also role play certain scenarios to help your child practice how to handle conflict or frustrating situations.

5 – Lead by example

Bring awareness to your own actions and language. Often times I don’t realize I say certain things until I hear my nine-year-old daughter mutter the exact same phrase. If we make compassion a priority in our own lives, our children will follow.

6 – Give positive feedback

If you witness your child offering to help someone or displaying kindness, be sure to notice it and celebrate it! Did she handle a conflict or express her feelings skillfully? Those are more reasons to pat her on the back.

7 – Practice patience

Behaviors don’t change overnight, so be sure to not be too hard on your child if his bullying behavior doesn’t instantly stop. Offering love and understanding can go a long way.

8 – Work together with the school

Be sure you’re having conversations with teachers, administrators, counselors, and others who can help your child. Creating a team of people who care about the well-being of your child will make this easier than doing it by yourself.

9 – Contact others in your community

A team of helpers can extend beyond the school. Your child’s doctor, psychologist, or coach can work with you and your child.

10 – Create your own plan-of-action

It is not a bad idea to write down your plan-of-action so that you can keep track of your resources and next steps.

More information:

Order COMPASSION IT wristbands as a simple tool for introducing compassion to children.

Sources: Pacer.orgPBS Parents

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